Keeping Your Confidence-or Getting it Back

It’s a good bet that none of us would have picked hair loss as something to challenge our confidence and self-esteem. But if it’s happened to you, know that the way you choose to deal with it can make all the difference in your mood, outlook, and relationships with others. 

If we stay in the denial or anger stage we run the risk of not taking advantage of those things that can help us—like wigs. We also run the risk of not getting on with our life. We don’t want to give over—not even one second of our life, to fight a battle that we can’t win. So, if you know that your bio hair is gone for good, or at least to the point that you don’t feel confident about how you look out in the world, then you have options. 

As I have written about in previous blogs, there is a psychological impact of hair loss, like any other loss, so I don’t want to make light of it, or the pain caused by it. But to linger in the stages of grief too long can hurt us too. 

So along with those grief processing steps that famously end in acceptance, let’s look at some things to think about along with way.

• Your Perspective: You know by now that you are your own worst critic. We’ve all heard it and it is definitely true – you are harder on yourself than anyone else is. This also means that you probably view your hair loss more critically than others do. 
• Your Feelings: It’s not the end of the world, and there are many worse things many other people must deal with—right? Yes, we know this, and some of us might have even had that sentence directed at us. Knowing it and internalizing it is a different thing. It takes a little time, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Learning to live with your hair loss is a psychological challenge but it is only as difficult as you make it—however, we need tools to deal with it just like any other problem or challenge.
• Your Solutions: Find help if you need it. Most of you who read this have long since gone to the doctor and you know all about your hair loss, but now you need a different kind of help. You need help from people who know about wigs and wig care. You need to find others who are dealing with this—you need support from those who can understand.
• Your Options: Professional therapy is there for you. If you’re still having trouble coping with your hair loss, there are professionals who can help you work through those grief stages. Don’t write off your pain because you are afraid of being seen as weak. Issues with anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem can impact your mental health both in the short and long term. Get the help that you need and don’t feel bad about it for one second.

We may not have a choice about losing our hair, but we can choose how to respond (easier said than done—but true, nonetheless). We can refuse to live in denial and allow hair loss to destroy our confidence and quality of life. Getting the help that we need is the first step. Learning about wigs and how they can enhance your life is the next step and just as important. Talk to people who know about wigs, and don’t be shy about asking questions. I’ve found that most people do want to help if we just ask. I find this especially true in the wig community because a lot of the people have gone through the same challenges themselves. They know about the feeling of loss, dealt with the self-esteem issues, gone through the stages of grief, and gotten to acceptance—and then went further. They became experts about wigs and wig care, and now reach out to help others. 

If I had to pick one thing that put me over the hurdle into acceptance, I’d have to say it was the day I found a wig that felt like it was meant for me. Long-time wig wearers have had this experience as well. Like most, I had to try a few wigs to get to my happy place, but when I did it was as if someone turned the light from dim to bright. I looked in the mirror and saw me—just me, and not the wig. I knew then that I had found a look and color that suited me, and that made all the difference. My confidence began to return. 

Things NOT to do:

Please don’t give up after trying just one or two wigs. You will likely feel the same as a lot of people: the wig has too much hair (because you are not used to seeing yourself with a thick head of hair), and the fit is not right. Granted, some wigs do have a lot of hair, but you should know that some have a lower density and no permatese if that is what you like best. In other words, don’t make quick decisions. There is a wig cap learning curve as well. Did you measure your head? Do you know about the different cap styles/construction? Also, know that it will take a while to get rid of the feeling that something is sitting on your head.

Don’t think that you will look like the wig model. Have realistic expectations. Your face shape, coloring, may or may not be the same as the models. Even the length of your head and neck will be different, causing the wig to look longer or shorter on you, perhaps. 

Don’t be afraid to put your hands in and on your wig. This can be tricky because you don’t want to mess up the “factory part” if there is a chance you might want to return the win. If you know you like it and will keep it, get in there and style it. Very few wigs come right out of the box looking great. Don’t be afraid to use the proper products on it to make it your own look. Put clips in or wear a headband to add an even more realistic look. 

Don’t give up because you haven’t found the right way to secure your wig. And by “right” I mean the way that works for you. Different people like and use different methods. I am a “purist” in that I like nothing but an occasional clip or bobby pin to secure mine if I go to the dentist. But I have found a cap that fits me well. Also, I don’t do a lot of up and down, running around, being outside, etc., which might require a more secure means. So, as you can see, securing your wig is a very personal choice. Find what works for you and your life.

A happy ending—yes, there is one. Before you know it you will be a pro in your own right. You will know all about caps, fibers, heat-friendly wigs, and how to care for them. You’ll know which colors and styles flatter you—and there is when the fun begins. You have options! Just take a look at the website today—wow.

Until next time, remember, we must make many choices every day. Today, let’s Choose to be Confident. 

Vickie Lynn 

--and Ollie the Owl (sitting among my violets in my living room looking very confident indeed).